


I Wish I Was You

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Body Swap, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: One day, Simon wakes up in Agatha’s body. That’s weird. But things get really messed up when he accidentally starts dating Baz. (And he might or might not have to deal with his feelings for his enemy. Things are going great.)





	I Wish I Was You

_Simon._

 

When I wake up, something seems different. I blink in confusion, looking at the ceiling. This is not how I usually wake up. It looks like I'm on the other side of the room. Have I slept in Baz bed? No way, he would never allow that. (I accidentally did one night in second year. I was so tired that night that I couldn't even find the light switch on the first attempt. When Baz found me the next morning, he almost threw his math book at me. Never found out where he was that night.)  
I frown, as I realize that my hair is a lot longer than I'm used to. How would it grow like that over night? Hesitant, I sit up and look carefully around the room. There are flowers on the windowsill. On the wall, there are posters of movies that I haven't seen. On the chair, there are some rose colored clothes, neatly piled up. That's when it dawns on me – this is _Agatha's_ room. I've been here before. (Not often. We rarely hang out without Penny, and Penny doesn't like Agatha's room. She says the smell makes her sick.)  
How did I get here? Why can't I remember anything about it? Agatha will kill me if she finds out that I slept here.

My gaze falls on the small mirror on the nightstand. But I don't see there what I expect to see – my own reflection, probably a really confused look on my face. Instead, I see Agatha. Or rather, Agatha's face. My first thought is that she's been trapped in the mirror, but then I realize that I do see my reflection. Except that my face is a different one. Why the hell do I have Agatha's face? And – as I now see – Agatha's body? And why did it take me so long to figure that out? Baz would call me an idiot for not noticing it immediately.  
I guess I'm less shocked about this than I should be. After years of living in the wizarding world, there's not much that can still surprise me. I wonder if this is the Humdrum's work. Or maybe it was Baz? Playing a prank on me? It probably was. That git. But if I'm Agatha now, where's she? Did she wake up in my body?  
I have to find Penny. We have to reverse this as quickly as possible, before people start talking to me, thinking I'm Agatha. I'm not good at pretending to be someone I'm not. I just have to stop myself from thinking about it until I can try to find a solution to this problem.  
  


I feel insecure when I leave Agatha's room. I didn't want to touch anything, so I just threw on the school uniform. I don't know where I can find her. Thankfully it's a Saturday – that means no school and enough time to figure out how to get rid of this problem. (Before it escalates. It always escalates somehow. Like that time when Baz made me fight the chimera. I don't know in what way this could escalate, but I have no doubt that it will.)

Luckily, I have no troubles finding Agatha at all. In fact, it's her who finds me. I'm on my way to the breakfast hall. (I know she'd probably in the Mummer's house, but I won't be able to enter it like this.) That's when Agatha (in my body, which is rather strange. Do I really look like that when I'm angry? Or is it just Agatha who's able to do that with her face?) storms towards me.

She pushes me against the wall. (She'd never be able to do that if we were in the right bodies. But I'm too shocked to react anyway.)

'Simon,' she pants.

'Yeah?' I manage to croak. I'm using Agatha's voice now, but I don't sound one bit as confident as she usually does.  
'What the hell did you do this time?'  
'What?'  
'You know that I don't want to get caught up in yours and Penny's adventures or whatever you're up to. You're supposed to keep me out of it! I don't know how this happened, but I do know that it's your fault!'  
'I- I'm sorry, Agatha, I didn't – I mean...'  
'Save it! This is ridiculous. I'm not a bloody movie character. I mean, it's bad enough being the princess of some crappy fantasy movie. Just, the Chosen One? Come on! But this – what's this Freaky Friday shit all about?'

'Agatha - '

I'm looking for words that could soothe her, but I've never been able to deal with Agatha when she's angry. I just don't know what to do and somehow I always manage to say the wrong thing.

That's when Baz shows up in the hallway. And then I'm not able to say anything at all. (Baz always demands my full attention. I can't help looking at him. I just do.)

I try to make out whether he has any part in this. Whether he knows. But he just eyes us warily. He probably wonders what's going on between me and Agatha. After all, she is still holding me up against the wall. Now she notices Baz as well and she lets go of me. There's something vicious in her eyes. She looks like Baz does when he's about to do something cruel. What is she going to do?

My heart leaps when she calls out for Baz. He stays still and turns to her. 'Snow,' he says and I'm about to growl at him when I realize that I'm Agatha right now.

Agatha -  _me_ – takes a step forward. She smiles at him, like she's keeping a secret. (I don't think  _I_ ever smile like that. Do I?)

'You know, Baz...' she murmurs, 'I've just been thinking about you.'  
Baz recoils at that. He raises an eyebrow, as though he isn't quite sure how to react. 'Really?'

'Yes,' she breathes. 'I'm thinking about you all the time – I just- just can't get you out of my head.'  
'Don't,' I say. I don't like this. That look on her face – I think she looked at me like that when she was flirting with me. (When we were still together. I don't think I ever got it.)

Is she- Is she flirting with Baz? To get back at me?

'What do you think why I'm so obsessed with you?'  
'Obsessed?'

I wish I knew what he's thinking. I've never seen Baz at a loss of words. Agatha lays a hand on Baz' chest. I expect him to push it away immediately and shout at her. He doesn't. What's going on?

Then she smirks and turns to me, before looking back at him.

'It's obviously because I  _hate_ you, so, so much.'

She doesn't sound like she means it. She sounds like – she's implying that... that...

Then she smiles again and says: 'Isn't it?'

How can she do this to me? I don't like this at all. (And it's not just because it's embarrassing. It's because I – I feel – jealous? Why? Agatha and I broke up – and I'm over it?)

'Oh, and... Agatha?'

I look up.

'Please, put some make-up on.'

And with that, she vanishes, leaving me wordless. Baz raises an eyebrow at me.

'Wellbelove,' he says and by now, he sounds as posh and arrogant as ever. 'What's wrong with Snow?'  
I feel my cheeks heat up – damn it.

'I- I don't know.'

And then I rush down the hallway into the dining room.

 

_Baz._

 

I stay in the hallway for a few moments, just staring into space, trying to process what happened. Did Snow just  _flirt_ with me? Am I actually having hallucinations? And how did he treat Agatha? That wasn't like him at all. There's something going on here. I'm sure of it. And I'll be damned if I don't find out what it is.

I follow Wellbelove to the dining hall where she starts talking to Bunce, without sitting down. Perfect. Bunce must know what's going on. (She always does.) I just have to listen to their conversation.

Fortunately, they leave the dining hall again and I hide behind a wall, before following them down the corridor.

They don't notice me. (I can be really unobtrusive if I choose to.) When they stop, I linger behind the corner and listen to them talk.

'What's going on?,' Bunce says. That means she's just as clueless as I am. 'Have you seen Simon today?'  
'Ehm... Yes. I mean. I. I am Simon.'

_What?_   
'What are you talking about?'

'I- I don't know. I just woke up in Agatha's body. I was hoping you could help me.'  
_Oh._

'You – You really just - ?'

'Yes. And I don't know what to do! You have to help me reverse it.'

'And you're not just trolling me?'

'Of course not.'  
'But why?'  
'I was thinking – Baz? But he didn't seem to know anything.'

'That's extremely weird. I mean, I've never heard of a spell like that. And why would anyone even do that to you? It doesn't make any sense.'  
'Well, maybe they're trying to keep me from fulfilling the prophecy or – whatever.'

'There are more efficient ways to achieve that.'

There's a short silence.

'So where's Agatha? Did she wake up in your body?'

'Yes. But she's mad at me. I don't know where she went. She blames me for this.'

_Oh._

At least, things make sense now. That means it was Wellbelove flirting with me. To wind Simon up. Fuck. I suspected something like that. But still – I feel – I try not to feel anything at all.

'I'm sorry, Simon. I don't know any spell that could help you. Maybe it will just wear off after a while. Probably, actually. The spell would have to be really powerful to last. I'm going to look into this. But it could take me a while. I'm afraid you're going to have to live Agatha's life for a while.'  
'But – what am I supposed to do?'  
'I don't know. You could try to find out how this happened. If somebody did this to you. And if so, who?'

'Alright. I'll tell Agatha about it.'  
My heart is pounding and I wait until Bunce and Snow are gone before I fix my tie and walk back to the dining room. I decide that this is an interesting turn of events. I might use it to my advantage.

 

_Simon._

 

I can't keep away from Baz. I just can't. I have to keep an eye on him. I have to know what he's up to. At all times. I can't help it. He's studying in the library and I sit across the room from him, pretending to read a book. I could actually read the book. (Penny would. She'd say I was wasting my time. But this is important. She just doesn't understand it what it's like to - )

Baz stands up and walks towards the door. I wait until he's gone before I stand up, too, and start to follow him. When I'm through the door, I don't see him anywhere. He didn't just vanish, did he? Where did he go? Suddenly somebody grabs my wrist and pulls me into the corrdior.  
'Baz,' I exclaim startled. He loosens his grip, but doesn't let go.

'You've been following me.'

'Yeah, well I... I mean... No, I didn't. You've got no proof!'  
He shakes his head, as though I was really stupid.

'Why? It's not like you have a crush on me, is it?'  
'Me?! I- I mean -' I gasp, forgetting for a second that I'm Agatha right now. Then I collect myself and think of an excuse. 'I was just wondering... whether you want to go to the ball to me? Next week?'

His eyes widen at that. Mine too. I didn't mean to say that. Where did that come from? I don't want to go to the ball with Baz. Agatha doesn't want to go to the ball with Baz. (Does she?) What did I do?

But then again, he isn't going to say yes anyway. (Of course he will. He'd be a fool not to. He's been after her ever since I've been, and that's a really long time.)

I just don't expect the smile I see on his face. I don't expect his face to light up like a Christmas tree. I wasn't expecting those dimples. I've never seen him smile like that before. (Not at me anyway.) Suddenly, I feel guilty. So maybe he does care about Agatha after all.

(Why does he have to be so happy about this? It's just a dance. It doesn't mean anything.)

'So?' I say and I feel nervous. What do I have to feel nervous about? (It doesn't matter. _It doesn't._ )

'Yeah,' he answers and I wish he would smile like that more often. It suits him. Maybe he could actually make Agatha fall for him if he smiled like that. Maybe he could make her feel butterflies in her chest. Maybe that smile would make her smile, too. That's when I realize that I _am_ smiling. I can't keep myself from it. (Damn it. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's because I'm in Agatha's body. That must be the reason why my heart beat speeds up in his presence. That didn't use to happen. Or did it? I'm not sure about anything anymore.)

 

Baz starts conversations with me after that. When school starts on Monday, we get coffee together. He's being friendly and he tells me about his family and we talk about nonsense and laugh and it's nice. It's really, really nice. I want to listen to him all day, want to know everything about him. (To make sure he isn't plotting. No. He's not plotting. I know that. It has another reason. One I'm trying not to think about.)

Being like this with Baz makes me wonder. Could we be friends? Him and me, Simon and Baz? I never knew that Baz would be a great friend. I wish we didn't have to be enemies. (Maybe we don't. Maybe I can talk to him when I'm back to normal. Wouldn't that be nice? Friends.)

I'm surprised he doesn't realize that something is wrong, that I'm not Agatha. But I guess he never knew her that well to begin with. I do know though that I'm a horrible actor and that I'm not even trying to pretend to be Agatha. And he still talks to me. Does that mean we really could be friends? He's not fed up with me yet. That's a good thing.

And there's something else. He'll walk beside me sometimes and our hands will touch and my skin will burn – and I'll _feel_ things. Things that drive me crazy, that I've never felt before.

And then the next day, when I'm still not me and things are still weird, he takes my hand in his. We're holding hands. In a romantic way. And I like it. I want to hold his hand at all times, to make sure he's always beside me.

But this is wrong. He thinks I'm Agatha. I shouldn't be doing this. It's not fair on him, or Agatha. Where did things go wrong like this? I need to talk to Penny. Maybe this whole thing is just a side effect of the spell. It _has to_ be. I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't.

 

'I think I accidentally started dating Baz.'  
'What?!'  
'I don't know... It just sort of – happened.'

'Not to date someone isn't hard, someone. There are billions of people that I'm not dating right now! And it's not hard, right? Dating someone isn't something you just do by accident.'  
'I know, but... I was asking him to the ball on Thursday, and one thing led to another. I think... he thinks... we're dating.'

'Well, fuck, Simon. This isn't okay. You have to break up with him. This is Agtha's life, not yours.'

'I know. I just... That's not the only problem.'

'What else?'

'I think I sort of might have... caught feelings? For Baz? Can you do that? Catch feelings like you catch the flu?'

'I don't think so.'  
'But Penny... I don't know what to do. This can't be real, can it?'  
Penny stays silent for a moment.

'You... In love with Baz... That...'

'Doesn't make any sense, right?'

'I was actually going to say that it makes a fucking lot of sense.'

'What?'

My throat goes dry.

'That would explain everything, Simon!'

I close my eyes. Talking about this is really painful. But it's also good to hear that this is not just in my head.

'You're right. I just... there are so many things I always wanted to do and never realized...'

'I'm going to stop you right there, Simon!'  
'No! Like, touching his hair. I want to know what it feels like. And I just... I just can't handle this.'

'That's probably why you repressed these feeling in the first place.'

'Yeah. But I can't stop thinking about him, Penny. I never could. What am I supposed to do now? He hates me.'

Saying it hurts, but I need that reminder. We're not friends. _He hates me._ That's reality. And I need to wake up from this dream and accept that.

 

It turns out that Baz is a damn brilliant dancer. (Of course he is. There's not a thing he can't do.)  
'I thought you took ballet lessons?' he says and I blush. (Everything he says makes me blush. It's annoying.)

Agatha stares at us from across the room. I promised her I would end this tonight, and I will.

But Baz looks stunning in his suit, and I like pretending. I pretend he's my date and I'm Simon (and he knows that) and we'll get some sandwiches later and then we go up to our room and we stay up until the sun rises, talking.

'Yeah,' I say, flustered. 'But I'm a bit tired. I don't want to do any quick dances.'

'Fine.'

And I know that Baz would be the perfect boyfriend. The kind of boyfriend that sends you 'good morning' messages and gives you roses on Valentine's day. And I'd pretend to hate it because it's too corny but I'd secretly love it. My heart flutters every time he looks at me but I also feel guilty. This means something to him, doesn't it? He _likes_ Agatha. (Or maybe he likes me, as Agatha. But still.)

I'm enjoying this way too much. But it needs to end.

'Baz,' I whisper and he holds me carefully, as though I was breakable. He makes a far better boyfriend for Agatha than I did. I probably was just jealous, trying to keep him from her all this time. I don't know of whom anymore.

'I think we need to stop this.'

His face falls, and I'm breaking his heart, and I know that he loves her.

 

_Baz._

 

'Stop what?'

I haven't even kissed him. I just held his hand. And I thought that maybe, _maybe_ he felt this, too. I thought that maybe this was him, trying to get closer to me, because what else would it be? But he probably did just what he thought I expected from Agatha. He probably thinks I _want_ this. With her. (Beautiful, beautiful idiot.)

'You know what. Whatever is going on between us. You know this wouldn't end well.'

It still hurts. I let go of his hand.

'I know.'

And I know it's still him in there, with his shitty jokes and his weird questions and his clumsiness. And I let my face become stone because he should never know how much he can hurt me. Or anyone. I let the crowd swallow me, make myself disappear before he even realizes what's going on.

I knew this was going to happen and I still let it get to me. Simon Snow may be a fool, but I am one, too.

 

_Simon._

 

Agatha makes me go to the Mage the next day. She thinks he might know something. (But he would have told me if he did, wouldn't he?)

I'm lucky he's actually there and not off on a mission or saving the world (or whatever he does in his free time). I explain the situation to him and he stays quiet the whole time. I'd give a lot to be able to read his expression. I never know what he's thinking.

'So, do you know something about this?' I finish.

'I do,' he says and surprises me.

'Do you know who did this?!'

'Yes. I did.'

'What?!'

'It was an experiment, Simon. I needed to test that spell. But it hasn't worked quite the way I was hoping for.'

'But - '

'I think this calls for stronger measures.'

'But what were you trying to do?'

'I'm afraid I can't tell you that. One day you'll understand, I promise.'

I'm speechless. I know that the Mage has a plan, that he doesn't do things like that without good reason, but I wish he would fill me in on that. I'm sick of being a puppet he can just push around however he pleases. But I know, too, that there's nothing I can do against it.

We all have roles in this game, it's our destiny. I wish I could have Agatha's destiny instead. Yes, if I were Agatha – I could be together with Baz. Friends, or even boyfriends. I wouldn't have to be the Chosen One. I wouldn't have to deal with all this power. People would leave me alone. I wouldn't be able to save anyone. I would be – just a person. And nobody's nemesis. I wish I could live this carefree life a little longer.

But really, I know that it's pointless. I have no other choice but to be me. I have to slay the dragons and the monsters and one day, it's going to kill me. I'm going to return to my role, and live the life I'm supposed to live. (It's a short and a painful life, but I'm going to make the most of it.)

It was nice having a break from it, for once, no matter how short.  
  
On Saturday, I know that the spell wore off. I'm me again. Back to normal. (I wish that were a good thing. But what's normal to me isn't normal to everyone else.)

Baz is in the bed next to mine. He's still sleeping. I know I shouldn't watch him, but I can't help it. (I wish I'd never known that I love him. It's no good. He's in love with Agatha and I shouldn't – I just shouldn't.)

I haven't seen him since the ball. It's easier to keep out of his way when you aren't his room mate. Suddenly, Baz turns around and looks at me. I blink.

'Simon?' he whispers. The words catch up in my throat. (He called me _Simon._ ) 'Is that you?'

'Of course it's me,' I whisper back. 'Who else would I be?'

'I'm glad you're you,' he says and turns away again. This is unusual. Baz saying nice things to me. But - ? What does this mean? He's not just being nice, is he? Does he know?

'You knew?'

'I'm not an idiot, Snow.'

Of course not. Of course he would know. I guess I'm a fool for believing anything else. But it still doesn't make any sense?

'Then why did you go to the ball with me? Where you just messing with me?'

He turns around again. It's still dark in the room, the morning sun barely illuminating his face. He smiles sadly.

'Sure. That's what you want to believe, isn't it?'

'I'm sorry, okay?'

'You should be. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry, too. But... What are you sorry for?'

'I'm sorry that Agatha isn't in love with you. I know that you must feel something for her.'

He let's out a humorless huff.

'Wrong.'

'I'm sorry for playing with your feelings?'

'Right.'

'Baz,' I say and I don't know what's possessed me but suddenly I can't keep it in any more. I can't go back to the way we were before. 'I know this isn't going to make things better, but... I did enjoy the dance with you.'

He buries his face in the pillow.

'I realized, that... I'm in love with you. So, really, I wasn't playing. It was real for me.'

He makes a startled sound, and I smile, because I really like loving him. Even though it's unrequited.

'I really wish we could have been friends, you know. Back then. In first year. I think we would have been awfully good friends. We could've taken over the world together. You, Penny and me.'

He stares at me and I hope he doesn't say anything. I don't want him to ruin it.

'You can pretend I hate you, if that makes it easier for you. But I'm done. I'm done hating you. Just so you know.'

I think, maybe, he won't mock me about this. Maybe he'll feel sorry for me and leave me alone. It will be alright. (Maybe he's going to have to kill me one day. I'll try not to think about it. That makes everything easier. But I'm done not thinking about being in love with him. I wish we could've at least been friends.)

I close my eyes and try to let the sleep take me somewhere else, to a happy place, where I can be who I want to be, not who I have to be.

But then I feel a hand on my head. I squeeze my eyes open and see Baz hovering over me and for a moment I wonder whether he's going to kill me.

Then he whispers my name again. (Simon. It drives me crazy.)

And then he leans down and kisses me. Softly. I didn't know he could be so soft and so gentle. I feel like I'm dying. (Am I dying? Am I dreaming?)

I lift my hand and touch his hair and he's real and I hear his breathing and I'm alive. Alive, alive.

'I'm done pretending as well,' he whispers and kisses my neck. 'I don't hate you. I never did. I'm in love with you. And you can have whatever you want from me.'

I feel like I'm made of magic and I pull him closer.

'But I'm not Agatha,' I say. 'I'm still the Chosen One. I'm a mess.'

'I know,' he whispers and he smiles at me like he's crazy. His eyes are glinting and I think he's lost his mind. 'And, damn it,' he says, 'I wouldn't want it any other way.'

 


End file.
